chapstick rocks

Happy 16th Birthday little Brain!!

2006-03-23T07:04:00.000-08:00

Fry guy, Brain, little man, Bran.
Those are all names my Brian has in this house. Today is his "sweet sixteenth" birthday!!
My Brain is funny and makes me laugh. He loves dogs (and now cats too!), legos, video games, X Files, grandma's cooking, music, and his mommy!!!
Thanks for making me and lots of people laugh little man!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
Love, mom
P.S. Is your homework done? Remember what you were telling me before.....

stupid bean game part 2

2006-03-23T06:57:00.000-08:00

OK, so the day after I wrote about not winning anything from playing the bean game I won a free drink. I waited for what seemed to be a thousand years for my coupon. I've gotten it and used it already a long time ago.
I have lots of tickets for this game now. Brother Chuck gave me all his and his girlfriend's game pieces when he they were here for a visit.
Every morning I come home and play this damn game hoping for some free music downloads (like I'd even know how to use that!) or something.
NOTHING.
I can't wait till tomorrow...

mom's chicken-n-fries

2006-03-04T08:43:00.000-08:00

Those of you who know my brothers and I probably have heard of us speak of our mom's cooking. Everything is good, homemade, and there is always enough to feed a small country.
We all get to pick the meal we want for our birthdays, my kids do this too.
A favorite is fried chicken and fries. Real fries, not fries from a bag.
Last night there was a message on our machine for Brian from my pops. (Brian's birthday is next.) He said that he was enjoying the fries that he(Brian) would be having on his birthday-for dinner! He said they were so good!
I guess that was more than Brian could handle because he walked over there to score some of granny's fries. When I picked him up he was just finishing up a nice big plate. He even called his friend to brag about what he had just eaten.
Sorry dad, I hope you got enough fries. I bet you never thought he'd walk over. If we had just stayed in West St. Paul instead of moving a mile away, your fries would have been safe.

stupid bean game

2006-03-04T08:26:00.000-08:00

My friend and I go to Caribou pretty much every morning after we drop off our kids at school. The past week they have been giving out game pieces for a "wake up and smell the music" game.
I have gotten many pieces. I have lost everytime.
See, you go to the Caribou website and fill in your email/name/and code on the piece you have.
Then a screen pops up with a coffee cup and a coffee bean suspended over it. All you have to do is get the bean in the cup. Easy right?
The first try resulted in me saying a foul word. It seems that the game is like plinko from The Price is Right. I didn't realize that the dark knots in the wood wall behind the cup and bean would make it totally impossible to win this game. I thought you just positioned the bean and let go and presto!! Free drink or music download!!
No my friends-it's not as easy as it looks. I have tried 5 times (you only get 1 chance per day) and I have tried to really think about where I was going to drop that little bean.
Everytime it bounces off to the side and that damn caribou drinks my coffee with a straw.
I'm thinking maybe that caribou has something against me. I visit his shop all the time, he makes tons of $$ off of us every week.
JUST LET ME WIN ONCE IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT'S GOOD!!!!
I will keep you posted.

Brian don't need no food

2006-03-03T12:57:00.000-08:00

I went to meet with Bill and Brian's teachers last night. Brian's teachers all had the same comment, he always looks tired.
He sleeps enough, but he never eats breakfast. The only thing he will eat is eggs and I don't always have time for that.
On the way to school this morning, he said he didn't need food, all he needs is the sun.
Hmm..sun?
I explained that he needs food to start his day so he has energy for learning.
He said that he only needs the sun because plants get food from sun and humans need plants to live.
Great. I blame my brothers for this.
I also thought it would be a good idea for him to start taking vitamins. I bought a big bottle and told him to take one everyday.
He told me to stop drugging him up! I explained that they aren't drugs, they're to take because he doesn't eat right.
Think of them as Miracle Grow Brian!

You're kind of ugly.

2006-02-24T10:51:00.000-08:00

My friend Leticia and I were having our morning coffee yesterday. Mark our Pepsi guy from work stopped by to say hi, and all of the sudden this guy walks up to him and says,"You work for Pepsi? Pepsi sucks!" Mark came back with,"Hey buddy, look at your shirt." (The guy had on a Packers shirt and yellow and green zuba pants.)
Rude guy started talking to him about stocks and why they are a waste cause if you die before you cash them in you're screwed. He kept rambling on and then turns to a lady who was waiting for her drink.
"Are you from Hastings?" he asked. She said,"No."
"Well, cause you're kind of ugly."
He went on talking to her, and she was really nice to him and didn't kick his ass, and she went on her way. We guessed she was in shock at what he said.
I was wondering why he thinks people from Hastings are ugly. I know a few people from there who look just fine. This lady was not ugly. She looked like she was on her way to work, her hair all done up and nice clothes and all.
I guess rude guy visits the shop often,though we've never seen him there. The worker guys said they put up with him because they feel sorry for him because his wife died a few months ago. I can't believe someone wanted to be married to that. Leticia and I think he killed her and has her in the basement.
He went on down the line of people talking to them all, kids too. I couldn't believe they didn't kick him out! We couldn't hear what he was saying to everyone, but I'm sure it was wierd.
If my brother could ban some stinky old guy from the coffee shop he ran for crapping all over the bathroom, Carribou guys could kick out rude guy for calling thier customers ugly.
He also tells the female employees there that they should be at home making babies.
I hope if we see him again he has a nice big black eye and a broken nose. Jerk.

Why buy toys?

2006-02-24T10:23:00.000-08:00

Well it's been quite a long time since I've written. Many things have happened in the past couple of months.
First of all, our kitty and puppy are finally getting along and living in harmony. Squiggs even rubs up against Max, who just looks at him and licks his little face. Just like a children's book picture.
Being a family that never expected to be cat owners, we are always learning new things about our new buddy. One is that we could spend endless amounts of cold hard cash on all the cat toys in the world, and he plays with them for awhile, but he always goes back to his plastic bags.
We bought a scratching post to try to keep him from ruining the sofa. That's not working, he would rather scratch my hands or the carpet.
Lint balls and hair bands are much better than noisy rolling balls or toy mice. One day he had this thing for my container of tea bags. I kept seeing him carrying them around. My mommy made him a mouse out of a washcloth and stuffed tea bags inside. He was in heaven.
I thought about getting him a kitty condo, but after seeing him play in an empty plastic water case, I figured maybe he had found his condo on his own.
I still can't figure out why he meows at his food dish when it's still got food in it. All I have to do is pretend to scoop some more in and he eats it! Why must we play these little games?
He is a very tidy kitty too. Max made a boom-boom on the floor a few days ago. I was kind of upset and Squiggs must have felt that because before I could get out the paper towels, he was already trying to hide it by scratching the carpet around it. What a sweet kitty! He didn't want Max to get in trouble.
Well, I could go on forever, aren't pets great?
I just hope Max doesn't wake his buddy up. He's curled up all nice and warm in his new foam liner from Brian's computer box.
Sweet dreams kitty!

Little Kitty Meow-meow

2005-12-08T17:54:00.000-08:00

Sunday afternoon my Bob found a little kitten sitting in the road in South St. Paul. After chasing it into a snow pile/bush, getting hissed at, and finally grabbing the little guy, he picked up the poor little kitty and he noticed it had part of it's paw missing.
He brought it home and told me I had better call the vet and the shelter. The shelter said we would have to get on a waiting list. The vet said we could bring in kitty the next morning to check out the paw.
Needless to say, the shelter need not worry. We decided to keep him that same day.
So after a nice 1&1/2 hour trip to the vet and a small surgery, we have a sweet little 5 week old baby!! Our "free" kitten only cost us $250-not including shots next week or the dreaded "fixing" surgery.
Oh well, I (we) wouldn't give him up for anything, he is very nice and softy and sweet, and me loves him!
His paw is stitched up, he has three meds to take everyday, but he plays and is having a good time I think. I'm not sure how much he likes living in the kids bathroom though but it's only until he and Max get used to eachother-which I think will take forever.
We'll get there though!
Welcome little whatever your name is!

Asshole of the year!

2005-12-01T06:44:00.000-08:00

There is a customer who shops every once in awhile that I can't stand. No, can't stand is to nice. I hate him.
I was introduced to this miserable piece of rat poo a few weeks ago. The first time he came to the register, I said my usual, "Hi!"
He went on to tell me how he hates shopping here, how it's so dirty (mind you it's midnight and the cleaning crew has just started) and that the meat is always rotten. Whatever. Then he made a couple of comments about our floor cleaning crew,I guess he doesn't think people from Mexico should work here or anywhere else.
So I just bit my tongue and figured he'd had a bad day.
Well, he must have lots of bad days because he did this again the next time he came in. He said he couldn't find something and he would have asked one of our employees but none of them spoke English. I told him he was mistaken, and we had 5 employees in the store that speak English, and that both floor cleaner guys speak it too. He said he was on his way out now and it was too late. I said,"Well, I guess you're out of luck then." Now I am supposed to provide 5 star customer service at all times but this jerk was testing my patience and I was getting mad. Then the rotten bastard yells, "Is that an INS van parked outside??!!" Like he was trying to scare the floor guys or something. I couldn't say anything to the racist shit head because he said it laughing as he was walking out the door.
Mr. Turdface came in last night again,only I wasn't the cashier. I hung around and waited for the perfect time to strike. He was going on and on about how much he hates it here, and the bakery sucks,and how he should find another store to shop at. (No Mexican jokes though-he must have had a good day.)
I yelled over to him that he had 1 hour before Rainbow closed and maybe he should shop there,otherwise he could fill out a customer comment card (or 10) to voice his concerns about the store so the right people would find out that he has such a tough time when he comes in. I told him he has so many problems that he'd better either let the head-guy of Cub know about them, or go somplace else.
He just said he wasn't talking to me,and left.
I hate this dog pile, what a miserable crab.
Oh-I really don't get hurt feelings when people tell me they go,or are going to Rainbow. I don't care I go there too!! Plus I see employees from there in our store sometimes.
We're all out to get the best deal so that guy can kiss my ass.

Remembering apples...

2005-11-28T06:50:00.000-08:00

When I was little (about 4 years old), I remember sitting in the livingroom having lunch. Probably a PB&J and a nice red apple.
Not being a kid who liked to eat the dreaded apple peel (grandpa said it would put hair on my chest) I bit off a piece, chewed off the inside part, and promptly wiped the chewed peel on the wall behind the TV. Hey-what's a kid supposed to do?
I'm really not sure why I didn't spit it into a napkin or the garbage, I guess the wall just seemed the right place for chewed apple peel at the time.
Mom wasn't too happy about it when she found it. I remember thinking I was going to be in super big trouble, but all I remember was her looking at me funny and asking me how it got there.
I said what any 4 year old would say. I looked right at her and said, "I don't know." Like who else could it have been??!! Maybe she would think it was my dad??!! As funny as I think the thought of my dad wiping chewed apple peel on the wall behind he TV is, it wasn't him. The dog! That's it!! She'd think it was the dog! Maybe mom did it and just forgot!!
No, it was me. I wonder if she ever figured it out...

by the way-

2005-11-24T10:11:00.000-08:00

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ONE AND ALL!!!!

lessons in HIP HOP...

2005-11-24T10:03:00.000-08:00

A few of us decided to enjoy some cocktails last night at our local tavern. It was a good time, my friend Katie even came!!!
There was this girl there singing, she kinda stunk. She sang quite a few tunes that are "guy songs". You know, the ones that talk about taking "her" clothes off/loving "her"/Mustang sally/etc.
It just didn't sound right, she'd sing It's raining men, then go into a nice version of symbol's song KISS. When we first arrived, we thought it was karaoke night! I told my friend Leticia to go up there and sing Killing me softly and get everyone all depressed. We laughed.
Yeah. We all had a good chuckle about that one UNTIL THE SINGER SANG IT!!!! I could hardly believe it!! Here it's a no-work-the-next-day-night,everyone's havin' a good time, and she's singing frickin' Killing me softly!!
Later our Coke guy showed up. (No-not Coke the nose kind,Coke the refreshing bubbly kind.)
He was there enjoying some drinks with his nephew and came to sit with us for awhile. He said he spent $100 on hiphop lessons. Well, you know when your group has had a few belts, you just can't let one like that go! We wanted to see some awesome dance moves! So finally he looked around to see if anyone was there that knew him, and he stood up and kind of shook his hips side to side, and kind of held his arm out in front of him and moved them back and forth. It's hard to describe but it was kind of funny. Katie asked him if that was it! It didn't look like any hip hop dancing I'd ever seen so I asked him when he was going to "break it down" and spin on the floor or something. Never happened. Katie told him he wasted $100 bucks. It was all in fun, no feelings were hurt. I got to thinking that maybe that's what hip hop really is. Swing your "hips",and move your arms like you are going to "hop" like a bunny.
Maybe we had a few too many...

P.S.Thanks to my sweet Bob for driving us home!

maybe we're missing something really good

2005-10-28T12:20:00.000-07:00

Our doggy chooses to enjoy his water from the toilet. I leave water in his bowl for him but he hardly ever drinks it. I know many dogs do this, all three of the dogs we had growing up have been toilet drinkers so I'm used to it.
The thing is, is lately Max and I have been having races. It doesn't matter what time of day or night it is, he always runs ahead of me to get there first. I end up standing there waiting, hoping I'm not going to pee in my pants. This is getting very irritating.
Today I came home from a long shopping trip and I had a large bottle of high quality H2O plus a big delicious coffee while I was out. I ran into the house and made a break for the biffy as fast as I could. Max, who was sleeping on the couch, jumped up and the race was on.
I'm trying to get ahead of him, calling him bad names and even cursing a little. (sorry grandma)
I did make it there first! "YES!!" I shouted as I was unzipping, "I made it before you-you little shit!!!"
He shoved his fat little head behind me and stuck it in the toilet. I swear that was the longest drink he ever took. I thought I wasn't going to make it. He stopped drinking, looked up at me for a second, and started drinking again. I just stood there doing the tinkle dance waiting for what seemed like forever.
Finally he walked off, all cocky and high and mighty like he's the frickin' king or something!
Maybe there's a secret that dogs know, maybe we humans are missing out on something really awesome. Maybe toilet water will make people run faster and make our hair nice and shiny, maybe we just need an outhouse.

Nudes in heaven

2005-09-04T02:10:00.000-07:00

I just emptied the clothes hamper from the kids bathroom. I have never seen it so full, I could hardly lift it! The thing is, I had emptied it late yesterday afternoon!!
Where does it all come from? 3 teenagers I guess.
I don't really mind doing the laundry all that much, Debbie knows how to do it but we don't see her much anymore since she never comes out of her cave. I am trying to teach Bill but he says he will mail my his laundry when he's in college to avoid doing it himself! There's hope for Brian though, I just haven't convinced him that doing laundry is as much fun as being on the computer.
Don't get me wrong, they're not all that lazy (well Ok maybe they are). No-just kidding, they're no more lazy than I was at their ages, although I do remember doing dishes alot but maybe I just think I did them more than I did. I don't even want to talk about my room...
Anyway, I was thinking today that my version of heaven would be no laundry forever!! Just think, nude heaven!!!! It would be awesome!! Well, maybe that's too much to ask. I guess those white robe things would be OK, no separating, no delicates.
Most of all NO socks and underwear.

No news=best news?

2005-09-03T10:45:00.000-07:00

A couple of my co-workers and I decided to have a meeting with our store manager on Thursday morning. Everyone's attitudes have been crappy, no communication, only hearing negative things from the morning people coming in, and for the most part feeling forgotten, have all added up to a big mess and people are starting to argue.
For the most part our night crew gets along pretty darn good. We all work together and even work in a little joking around. But lately tempers have been getting a little hot, so we figured we'd go see the "big guy" to see if he could help us out.
All places of employment that have a night shift are pretty much the same from what I hear from other people. The day shift thinks the night shift is lazy and wierd, and the night shift thinks the day people are lazy and snotty. We understand that we can't change that.
Anyway, we went to see our boss. We didn't "bitch" at him either, it was a nice meeting if I do say so myself. We told him what was going on, the extreme lack of communication between the day & night people, the feelings of being ignored (we have a "5 STAR" program that is supposed to reward workers for exeptional work-I will talk about that later), and how people are beginning to argue over stupid things. We asked if he had any ideas, and if he could help out with telling managers to let us know what's going on more.
He said,"You know, I have alot of problems going on in this store, just know that if you don't hear anything from me that you guys are doing a good job."
What the hell was that??!! Is that his way of managing?? Just don't talk to anyone and then tell everyone," If you don't hear from me your super!" To me a manager is supposed to be a guide of some sorts. Not a whip cracker really, but someone who can work with employees to solve a problem, not ignore it. Get involved before things get out of hand you ass!!!!
On a possitive note, he did take care of the trouble we've had with our evil reciever, for now...
Thanks for letting me vent!

Pumpkin pie tragedy

2005-09-02T17:20:00.000-07:00

I don't usually bake in the summer. I don't care to heat up the house.
Well, this morning I decided to bake 2 pumpkin pies. One was for my Bob, and the other was for my sweet daddy.
I mixed up the filling and filled the shells, all was good. I checked them a few minutes before bringing Deb to school but they weren't quite done. I figured I'd wait a few minutes more.
On I went on with my morning without a care! A nice 2 mile walk with a couple of friends, coffee, a trip to the store to pick up dinner items, the sun was bright, all in all a beautiful morning.
I came home and looked on the stove, no pies! I thought to myself how great my Bob was to put them in the frig for me!!
Then I noticed that the stove was still on.
The few extra mintues that I was going to leave those pies in the over turned into 3 hours. My delicious pies had baked for a total of 4 hours. Needless to say, nobody will be having pumpkin pie today.

Napoleon still supreme after all this time...

2005-08-27T09:10:00.000-07:00

My Brian wanted to have a movie night last night. His choice (or was it mine...),
the awesome Napoleon Dynamite!! I never seem to get tired of this movie. I have seen it many times and I still find little things that I've missed hiding in it.
So, my friend Katie came over (yippy!) and we put in the DVD! This time I noticed the pictures above the couch of Napoleon & Kip. I don't know how I missed them before, they are so great!!!!
I remember thinking that when our kids were little that it would be cool to have pictures like those done of them. I never did, but I am considering it now! I wonder if they would go for it...
Everything in that movie is still as entertaining as it was the first time I saw it!!
I saw an ad for a new movie coming out with Jon Heder in it and I'm sorry, but he will always and forever be Napoleon Dynamite. It took the Brady kids years to wind up type-cast as Brady kids, but it only took one "sweet" little movie to do the job on poor Jon Heder.
I wonder if he cares?

Welcome to the family, Blue Thunder! (a.k.a.Dollar Bill)

2005-08-22T07:10:00.000-07:00

Our son Bill became a certified driver about a month ago, as most of you know.
Last week, my best friend Katie called and asked if he would want to buy her 1991 Buick. She was getting a free (a word that Katie and I both enjoy) car from her uncle, so she said she would part with her car for $1.00.
How could he refuse such an offer??!! It's a perfect car for a 16 year old fella!! So, as soon as she got her new ride Bill and I headed over to her brother's house to pick up his new ride. She printed up a bill of sale, he gave her a golden dollar coin, and the deal was done.
The car even came with a set if tools! One large screw driver to open up the hood, and a big stick to hold it open!!
This car has memories for Bill. It was the first car he had ever driven. The day he got his permit, Katie came over and asked him if he wanted to drive. Of course he did, and I'm sure she had never been so scared since he had never driven before, but she took him down the block and they made it back.
So, an oil change and a break job later, he's on the road everyday cruisin' in his sweet ride!
Thanks so much Katie for everything, you are the bestest, my baby 16 year old is pimpin' out his first car and really enjoying his new freedom!!!

Wide awake at 4am

2005-08-19T04:18:00.000-07:00

I work nights. I have worked nights for a very long time, almost 8 years now. It has never really bothered me because I can pretty much sleep anytime.
Until now.
The past month or so I have had the worst time sleeping ever. When I took my mini-vacation, I was up around 5am everyday even if I had stayed up till 1am! I don't get it! What happened to my nice sleeping I knew and loved? I'm not worried about anything, so I know it's not that kind of stuff keeping me awake. This pattern of not sleeping right usually goes on for awhile, and then I crash.
I just woke up from a 13 hour sleep fest. I feel so refreshed and ready to take on the world!! Except it's 4:10am and everyone here is sleeping so I have to be quiet. Now tonight I will be tired early but everyone else will want to watch movies and I will fall asleep only to wake up again around 4am tomorrow too.
What the hell???!!! Then I go back to work Saturday night again and I'm all messed up.
Oh, and yes, I would like some cheese with my wine.

blue view

2005-08-17T06:45:00.000-07:00

We live in a nice mobile home park. It was only 4 years old when we moved here, and for the most part we like it. All the homes in our park are pretty much the same. Colors are pretty even toned all around, and it's quiet.
Then came the blue. Not just any blue either, this blue is quite bright, there is no "powder" about this blue. This blue will keep people awake at night. This blue is the kind of blue that you look at and say, "Wow, now that's pretty gosh-darned blue."
Our kind of new neighbors on the opposite side of the street have been doing some work on their house. OK-fine.
But what I saw the other day was a sight I couldn't look away from.
I thought maybe it was primer, or perhaps some sort of sealant, I was hoping that was the case.
Nope. That is the color they chose for their home. It just sticks out like a really sore thumb.
I am not being a snob either, this is a BAD blue. It's topped off with some nice white trim too.
I just can't quit looking at it! Make it go away somebody!!!!
I like blue, my truck is blue, my slippers are blue, our kids new bathroom is blue, blue kool-aid is OK, blue fish are nice, even blue nail polish is OK, I like "blue" music, but NOT this blue house.
WHY? If people are going to work hard painting their house it should turn out nice not like a clown house, as Bill would say.

Stinky dog

2005-08-15T08:15:00.000-07:00

Our dog Max smells like a sewer today. He is cute, but I can't pet him without a gas mask so he won't know how cute he is.
All because he stinks.
If I say,"Go away stinky dog! You are the stinkiest-stinky ever in the world!" It just makes matters worse. I think he's in denial about how much he smells and he hears me saying, "Hi Max! I think you smell like chocolate cake and flowers!!! Come hear pup!!!" He won't leave me alone today.
HELP ME.

Happy Birthday Grandma!

2005-08-15T08:10:00.000-07:00

Our parents had a birthday bash for grandma and her twin bro uncle Johnny yesterday. Parties at the ranch (as Mike likes to call it) usually go a little bit like this...
-people start showing up
-people start stuffing themselves with delicious pre-dinner items
-mom runs around the kitchen thinking things should be getting done faster
-people are treated to the biggest, most delicious feast on the face of the planet
-mochas (made by mom) after dinner
-I don't even want to get started on the after dinner treats.
Mom and pops have had so many parties at their place that I couldn't even count the times many have gathered there.
We all get to pick what we want for our birthday dinner too. Anything you want, our kids love that! Brian likes to pick fried chicken and home made fries, dad went out and bought ma another deep fryer for that party because one wasn't enough. Poor mom.
One thing is for sure, you could feed an Army with all the food! On Mike's last birthday he wanted breaded meat. Dad bought 16 pounds of meat. 16 not 6. You see, they are always worried that they'll run out of something.
Mom made a pot of spaghetti for grandma & uncle Johnny's special day. I'm not quite sure exactly how much that pot holds, but I think it would be pretty close to gas tank size. And enough delicious meat balls to fill up a small truck bed. Plus real live home made bread, and lasagne roll ups.
Everyone always wonders why they get sleepy there....
A good time was had by all, and my birthday is next!!! Well, actually our granny Krenner and uncle Rick are next, but I'm just believing I'm the next one so I can start planning out the menu!!!!
I can smell the bread now...

The man store.

2005-08-14T09:10:00.000-07:00

We (by "we" I mean Bob and his dad) have been doing some pretty intensive remodeling in the kids bathroom over the past couple of weeks. New tub, biffy, vanity & sink, sprayed ceiling, new medicine cabinet, everything.
This job requires many trips to Menards. I like to call Menards "The man store". I don't really enjoy trips to Menards, if I have to go I will, but ONLY if I have to. I have found a little section there that I can usually kill time in though, the seasonal section. That part is OK, I just hang out and look at the yard decorating stuff, or cool Christmas stuff, or whatever they have over there.
Bob knows where to find me when he's done with his shopping. I know now not to travel past a certain aisle in the seasonal section, once I see a row of pesticides and junk like that I stop and turn back.
Yesterday I thought I was never going to get out. My mission was to get a toilet seat because the one that came with the toilet we bought was like sitting on a piece of cardboard. Bob needed a bathroom sink and a piece of sheetrock. Eazy enough right? Wrong.
I picked out the toilet seat in no time (I had to get a plain one since they didn't have any clear ones with pennies in the lid like I saw when I was a kid). Then I went to find my Bob. I went to the sinks, no Bob. I found the sheetrock, no Bob. I walked around that entire store twice and finally found him over looking for shut-off things. I was kind of pissed because all he had so far was the sink! We had been in there for a LONG time, and he only had the damn sink.
We head over to sheetrock and we pass my little sanctuary so I turn off to look at the clearance summer stuff. Then he comes over," I need you to help me with the sheetrock!! Why do you think I brought you!??"
"Not cause you love me, I guess."
Since sheetrock is kind of heavy, he needed a stooge to carry it with him. We only needed a thin piece and I swear it weighed more than our truck. So we get it and head out. We pass my section again and I tell him I want to look a few minutes. When I finished I couldn't find him again! I looked all over and found him waiting at the exit!!!! I think he was really going to leave me there! He said if he wouldn't have given me the keys he would have been gone. This guy who was waiting in line started to chuckle. Very funny mister, I thought, he probably HAD the keys to his car.
My brothers and I still talk about trips to Menards with our pops. Most go like this.
"Want to go to Valleyfair, the ice cream shop, go to the movies and the toy store?"
We would shout and scream and dance!!! Then on the way to anywhere we were going pops would say the dreaded words, "I need to stop at Menards (or KNOX)." We heard those words in super slow motion like on TV. We knew we were in for big fun then. If we went in, it would seem like forever and he would be looking in the same spot for hours. I think Mike or Chuck tried to be smart and stay in the car once or twice and almost froze to death.
Once when I was looking for a job dad said with a twinkle in his eye,"I think Menards is looking for people!!!"
Nice try pops. I know they have a discount....

Pampered party

2005-08-13T08:11:00.000-07:00

My friend had a Pampered Chef party last night. I went just to see if there were any new kitchen tools that I couldn't live without.
Usually I don't like to go to these things because they are pretty much all the same no matter what the seller is selling. Let's see I've been to Tupperware, Mary Kay, some kids toy party, a home decorating party, and now a Pampered Chef party. I have heard of candle parties too but I have never been to one, I wonder what they do at candle party for fun?
It's always introductions, try to be hip and funny, try to get some sucker to host a party, demonstrate products while still hinting that some sucker should book a party and all the while saying that she herself couldn't even boil water until the Pampered Chef came into her life and now she's a gourmet cook (by the way-she HATES to cook) , figuring out everyones orders, more attempts to be hip and funny...
(note:I do have one pampered chef utensil in my kitchen. A pizza cutter I got from my aunt one Christmas, it's a nice one, so I'm not bashing anyone for using pampered chef products at all.)
I got there and was introduced to all the other women. There's a funny thing that happens when a bunch of ladies get together at one of those parties, especially when most of them don't know eachother. A masterful game of "I have more of whatever they're selling than you do" begins to unfold.
We had to go around the room and say our names and tell everyone if we had any of the products. I heard all of them, "I have this, I have that, I have EVERYTHING Pampered Chef, I WANT everything Pampered Chef, Pampered Chef is king!!! Everyone kneel before Pampered Chef!"
My turn comes and I say,"I'm Lisa, I know Deandra because we both used to work at Cub, and I have the pizza cutter. It's nice."
Silence.
"You have the pizza cutter?", our leader says in a voice like the wicked witch from the Wizard of Oz when she's melting.
I say,"Yup."
On with the show!
She made a cashew-chicken stir fry thing that was pretty good, we ordered, she got some sucker to book a show, and all was right with the world.
I ordered a couple little things that I needed, a spatula, a cookie dough scoop, and 2 vegetable peelers, one for me and one for my mommy. We are always looking for a good vegetable peeler, and if selling lady wasn't fibbing, this little baby will not only peel vegetables, it will do laundry, grocery shopping, drive the kids to school, and save the world! I can't wait for it to get here!
Excuse me, I have to go to the bank now and take out a loan to pay for all this stuff.

Cheese chasers!

2005-08-13T07:45:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning with a craving for cheese. I didn't feel like making eggs, and I don't really think the cheese should stand alone. I have to have something with it.
So, I look awhile and discover a fresh sleeve of Ritz crackers! The tragedy begins when I open the frig and we have no block-o-cheese. But there was hope!
We had some shredded cheddar so I had Ritz with cheese chasers!!
Everyone say it five times fast!!
ritz with cheese chasers, ritz with cheese chashers, ritz with cheese charsers, ritz with cheese cheesers, ritz with chreese chrasers.....

Leave a tender mullet alone.

2005-08-11T19:31:00.000-07:00

Hi! It's been awhile.
My brother and I were at our local coffee shop yeaterday morning, and he pointed out the most awesome thing.
We were sitting outside facing the windows to avoid going blind from the bright sun. Sitting there allowed us to see many things you don't normally notice. We saw some cool shoes, bad shoes, bad feet, and other things. (The shade was lowered halfway.) Well, just after commenting on some huge blue and white dancin' shoes, Bucky says, "Hey! Look at that awesome mullet!! That's an A+ mullet!!"
It was, indeed, a beautiful sight. The guy must have been the 50-60 year age group and he had on a black "HOMIES" shirt on. It was so cool.
Fast forward to the very next morning...
We are sitting outside again. In comes a guy in a white "HOMIES" shirt. We both think that it was neat-o that we just had seen a shirt like that one yesterday. Then Bucky noticed that it was the same guy.
The same guy minus the cool mullet. Sad. Why would anyone ever give up such a perfect,grey,halfway down the back,sweet mullet.
What's wrong with this world?

CALL 911!!!

2005-03-22T17:20:00.000-08:00

My hands get very dirty at my job. Dust, water, leaking meat juice, and filthy money can make for some pretty unsanitary hands. So! Off I went to the bakery sink to wash up. The bakery hand sink has a metal splash guard around it. While I was washing my hands I dropped a bag I was holding under my arm. I bent down to retrieve the bag, and in the process of bending down I hit my mouth on the corner of the metal splash guard. At first I thought I had chipped my tooth but it felt OK. Then I got a nice big taste of metal in my mouth. I had split my lip pretty good and was hemorrhaging. It didn't really hurt all that much, but everytime I said anything or smiled it would crack open. I thought it was never going to stop bleeding. Just as I was considering a 911 call for an emergency transfusion, my lip began to fuse back together and the bleeding was slowing. My co-worker suggested putting some lip stuff on. I headed for my purse and got out my stash. Note to self: Do NOT use anything that contains menthol on an open wound. Later that night I had a craving for some smoked almonds. Second note to self: Salty things not good for boo-boos. I was thinking about my past injuries. I never seem to injure myself doing anything important. It always involves me doing something stupid. Just once I'd like to get injured saving someone's life, or doing something really exciting like sky diving, maybe even playing slap jack (those slaps can hurt, right Chucky?!). But NO!! I break my toe tripping up steps, break same toe by pulling a drawer out too far, and split my lip open while washing my hands. They should have warning signs on those sinks.

Look! I made peanut butter!!!!!!!!!

2005-01-22T08:05:00.000-08:00

Well, that's what I was hoping to say to everyone.
You see, my brothers and were lucky. Our mom could take a rock and some dirt, bring it into the kitchen, and make the most delicious cuisine out of it. Our mom can make anything, and I think she has attempted to make almost everything homemade-at least once.
Let me see if I can just give you some examples of things that I remember her making:
Jello, pudding, marshmallows, graham crackers, dog biscuits,ice cream, tons of delicious kinds of breads, soap,jellies,vanilla extract,ice cream sandwiches, just to name a few.
Want a white chocolate mocha?
Mom has never been a coffee drinker, but we told her she would really like white choc.mochas, she finally tried one at Magpie Coffee (yay!!!) and has been hooked on them ever since. She wanted to try to make then in her own kitchen (science lab) . At first she didn't have an espresso machine, I remember one time when we were all there, mom asked Mike to mess around with trying to make something that resembles espresso using her coffee machine, he tried a few times, but it just wasn't the same.
One day, our brother Chuck(a.k.a. stinky) came home with a machine for her, and she went right to work. She would go to the coffee place by our house, try their mocha, and run home and try to duplicate it. Bought chocolate powder??!! Ha!HA! No way !! She makes her own!!!!!!!!! Ready whip? Not on you life, REAL whipped cream. Mom makes her own chocolate shavings to top it off. She has a system when she makes her white mochas, complete with lab coat and bunsen burner.
The result is the best damn white chocolate mocha you'll ever drink!!!!!!!!! How does she do it?
My kids and Bob say that grandma cooks with LOVE, and that I cook with ANGER. I really don't cook with anger,there are some things that I can make now after trying for 16 years that are almost like mom's. I'm getting better.
And THAT my friends is what brings me to this sad story. I found a recipe for "super peanut butter" in the paper. I thought to myself,"Hmmm...make my own peanut butter....awesome!!! I could bring it everywhere with me, and people will bow before me because I have created the best tasting peanut butter in the world!!!"
So last night after I dropped Debbie and her friends off at the school dance, I made my way to the grocery store to gather the things I needed. I got home and started right away. I was so excited!! I got out the food processor, measured out the ingerdients so carefully, turned it on, and waited. Hmmm...why weren't the nuts turning into the smooth creamy peanut butter I saw in the photo??!! I did some more mixing, and decided to try using my smoothie maching instead. So I got that out and transferred my creation into the pitcher, and pushed the "smooth" button.
Bob keeps yelling, "What the hell are you doing in there?? What's all that f*#!ing noise??!!" I tell him to leave me alone, I'm making something.
I wound up with super finely chopped peanut shavings, but not the smooth creamy shitty crap in that damn picture. (anger setting in) I try adding more honey and olive oil to see if that would smooth it out, but no, defeated again.
I bring a spoonfull to Bob and say with a smile,"Here! try this!! I made it!!" I place a spoonfull in his mouth, and he tells me it tastes like nothing. OK FINE!!! I'll try it out on Bill. I bring in a spoonfull and he says, "Why is it so crunchy?" I am thinking that this just couldn't be real! I was going to make the best tasting peanut butter in the world, I didn't make it with anger either, well not until I realized that this wasn't going so well, then the anger part started to set in, but not until then I swear!!!!!!!!
The dog likes it!! OK, maybe that's was they forgot to write in the paper I was reading, this ws supposed to be "super peanut butter for DOGS". Yup, I can always count on Max to eat anything I create, at least he loves me. Except for the time I tried to make the infamous "hamburger stroganoff", he wasn't going near that shit.

Nice parking...

2005-01-19T07:08:00.000-08:00

The other day Bob and I went to the grocery store. As we were walking in, we saw a car attempting to park in a very strange place.
You know when sometimes they have little islands next to the handicapped parking places either covered in grass or rocks? Well, I'm pretty sure that ON that little island thing is not where one should park their car.
We watched in amusement as this car with frosted windows (so frosted that the ONLY clear spot was about 7 inches in diameter) was attempting to drive onto the island thing, just missing a tree planted in the middle of it. The driver backed up. I thought that he or she had decided that this was not such a good idea, but I was sadly mistaken.
The driver straightened out the car, and continued revving the engine to get the tires over the curb to park in that spot. I just couldn't figure it out! If that person was handicapped, there were 2 open spots right behind him. What the hell??!!
Well, the car was turned off, and out steps this old guy, I'm guessing in his 80s, or so. He walks into the store like he didn't even notice that his frosted up car had 3 tires up on the curb, and was parked in a place that was just not for parking.
As we were checking out we saw him bagging up his stuff, and chuckled as we walked outside.
Two police cars were waiting out there fore the driver, looking at the car like they couldn't believe it!
The old fella comes out, they chat, he ends up in the squad, and 'round the corner comes a tow truck!
It makes me wonder if he was loaded, or maybe didn't notice were he was, or maybe he felt that since he was in WW2 (it was on his cap) that he could park wherever and however he damn well pleased.
I wonder how he even drove there with those windows frosted like that!

I love chapstick.....

2005-01-14T07:20:00.000-08:00

...or any other type of lip quenching product sold out there!!
I have sticks of the stuff stashed everywhere, my purse, one on the headboard of my bed, one in the kitchen, in my locker at work, I always have one in my pants pocket (many times this has ended in tragedy because I had forgotten my precious friend in my pocket when I did laundry, and my lip therapy was gone forever), keeping one by the sink in the bathroom will re-hydrate lips after brushing your teeth. Toothpaste dries my lips out.
I have heard that your lips can actually stop creating moisture if you are too fanatical with keeping lips moist and crack free.
Sometimes I think it's more of a mental thing, there are times when I don't use it for a part of the day, but as soon as I realize that I forgot to put it on, I start my frantic search. Sometimes I forget to put some on before I go to bed, and I think to myself, "Don't worry, me, no big deal, I'm just going to sleep anyway." Then seconds later I'm reaching for my stash.
I have a couple of favorite kinds. One is Softlips, and sometimes you can score and find a buy-one-get-one deal. My other choice is Chapstick Moisture, and finally, last but not least is Blistex Complete Moisture.
I have two other friends who aslo share my fondness for moisturizing lip therapy. My best friend Katie, she used to keep one on her keychain, and she also stores them in various places. She was actually the one that got my hooked on Softlips, she got a B1G1 free and she gave me one, it has been my favorite ever since.
My friend Heather and I were discussing our freakish chapstick behavior over Christmas dinner, and she told me she even keeps one in the register at work!!!!! I even saw it one day!!!!
That's awesome.
I have actually finished two tubes of lip stuff in my lifetime. The rest have disappeared, they were either lost or they suffered a worse fate, the dreaded washing mashine. I remember finding them on occasion at the bottom of the washer, I would open them only to find absolutely no trace of what once was inside. Sad, very sad.